Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Trusting and Healing

Last week while on vacation I met a survivor of stage IV bone cancer. Against all odds, she is surviving and is in remission. She told me God healed her. After hearing some of her story, I have no other reasonable explanation for why she is still living other than God truly did heal her.

After she shared her story with me, I told her a little about myself and how I'm living with thyroid cancer. She looked at me for a second and then said, "If you trust in God, He WILL heal you and keep you on this earth." I didn't know how to respond. Anyone who knows me knows I believe in the power of prayer and in the healing power of God. But this lady looked at me and suggested to me that I am not cancer-free because I am not trusting in God. Maybe that's not what she really meant to say, but it's what she did say. The only thing I could get out of my mouth was, "I do trust in God." I was so rattled and angry that I couldn't say what I was really thinking.

I'm thankful that God has healed her, but cancer did not take up residence in my body because I don't trust in God. It's not hanging out in my neck because I haven't been trusting in God. On the contrary, the ONLY way I am able to move forward with life is BECAUSE OF my faith in God. He has sustained me and will sustain me. This I know to be true.

I also know that, as much as I wish I could say I do, I don't trust in God 100% of the time. I wish I did, but does anybody?! Does anyone live without doubt and worry and fear all of the time? I know I don't. I know it's easy to forget to trust in God when lumps pop up in my neck or when a scan is coming up. But I don't think that's the reason I have cancer.

I might be cancer-free in this lifetime. That is my hope and prayer, and I know God hears that prayer. But just because I haven't been healed on my timeline doesn't mean God isn't just or merciful or full of grace. He is all of those things all the time.

I don't really know what my point is here, but this lady shook me up so much that I just needed to write about it. I think I'm writing now because I needed to respond, and since I'll never see this lady again, I responded to you.