the eye of the storm

Poached Egg or the Son of God

2011-09-26T12:50:00.002-04:00

I love what C.S. Lewis has to say about Jesus and want to share his thoughts with you. I think he gets it exactly right:

"I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: 'I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God.' That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to."

-From C.S. Lewis' book Mere Christianity

Trusting and Healing

2011-07-06T18:26:00.000-04:00

Last week while on vacation I met a survivor of stage IV bone cancer. Against all odds, she is surviving and is in remission. She told me God healed her. After hearing some of her story, I have no other reasonable explanation for why she is still living other than God truly did heal her.

After she shared her story with me, I told her a little about myself and how I'm living with thyroid cancer. She looked at me for a second and then said, "If you trust in God, He WILL heal you and keep you on this earth." I didn't know how to respond. Anyone who knows me knows I believe in the power of prayer and in the healing power of God. But this lady looked at me and suggested to me that I am not cancer-free because I am not trusting in God. Maybe that's not what she really meant to say, but it's what she did say. The only thing I could get out of my mouth was, "I do trust in God." I was so rattled and angry that I couldn't say what I was really thinking.

I'm thankful that God has healed her, but cancer did not take up residence in my body because I don't trust in God. It's not hanging out in my neck because I haven't been trusting in God. On the contrary, the ONLY way I am able to move forward with life is BECAUSE OF my faith in God. He has sustained me and will sustain me. This I know to be true.

I also know that, as much as I wish I could say I do, I don't trust in God 100% of the time. I wish I did, but does anybody?! Does anyone live without doubt and worry and fear all of the time? I know I don't. I know it's easy to forget to trust in God when lumps pop up in my neck or when a scan is coming up. But I don't think that's the reason I have cancer.

I might be cancer-free in this lifetime. That is my hope and prayer, and I know God hears that prayer. But just because I haven't been healed on my timeline doesn't mean God isn't just or merciful or full of grace. He is all of those things all the time.

I don't really know what my point is here, but this lady shook me up so much that I just needed to write about it. I think I'm writing now because I needed to respond, and since I'll never see this lady again, I responded to you.

This too shall pass

2011-06-07T15:50:00.001-04:00

How often do we hear the words "this too shall pass" when going through a hard time? I know I've heard it more times than I can count. People say it with the intention of being encouraging. I really do appreciate the Barnabas' in my life who are great at encouraging me, but too often, the conversation goes something like this:

Me: "Yeah, so. I have cancer."
Barnabas: "OMG, you're too young to have cancer. Well, just remember that this, too, shall pass."

I really do appreciate the gesture. But what Barney forgot to mention is WHEN this will pass. I mean, really, does anyone really know that this will pass? Is it realistic to even suggest that it will? I don't think so. How can anyone know for sure that cancer will not be a part of my life for the rest of my life? Unless you're God, you can't know. You don't know if I will ever be cancer-free on this earth. I don't know. My doctor doesn't know. The fact is, this might not pass in this lifetime.

See, I was thinking about this earlier today. I decided that what's important is that cancer really is temporary when I look at it with an eternity mindset. I know that cancer is an earthly thing; it's temporary. When I die and step over into eternity, I get to leave cancer behind. That's a promise from God. So when we're talking about cancer in the eternal sense, it too shall pass.

Relay For Life

2011-05-15T21:40:00.001-04:00

Relay For Life is an awesome event held by the American Cancer Society every year all over the world. For me, this event is largely about celebrating life. It's about celebrating being a survivor of cancer. My favorite part is the survivors' walk. Joining together with friends and family and other survivors and caregivers from my community is such an amazing experience. It's a great reminder that we are not alone.

This was at the campsite next to my team. This makes it seem like the team had a vampire theme, but just to the left of this weird fang-y mouth was a cut out of Willy Wonka and some Oompa Loompas. I think the message here is that vampires and Willy Wonka both hate cancer.

I don't even know.

Olé!

The luminary ceremony/walk is a time to remember our loved ones who died as a result of cancer. I raised my candle and walked for a dear friend who made (and continues to make!) a huge impression on my life.

If there's a Relay for Life in your area (and there probably is if you live in the U.S.) then I highly encourage you to check it out. It's an awesome experience.

Survivor Observation Area

2011-05-10T14:30:00.001-04:00

Last Friday, I participated in Relay For Life. More on that later, but for now, enjoy this picture. Close to the main stage at Relay there was a "Survivor Observation Area." I'm still not sure what that was for. Maybe the survivors were supposed to perform while all the other attendees watched from the designated observation area. I dunno. My family and I found it very amusing, so of course we mocked it the entire time we were there. During one of our walks around the lap, they decided to stop and observe me. Next year, they're bringing binoculars to enhance their survivor observation experience.

I'm back

2011-05-09T23:22:00.001-04:00

It's time to start writing again. YAAYYY! So you can expect lots more from me SOON!

Bringing Sexy Out of the Thyloset

2010-09-09T08:00:00.006-04:00

September is thyroid cancer awareness month! Woohoo! To help raise awareness, I'm participating in Dear Thyroid's blog tour:

What kind of thyroid cancer were you diagnosed with? How many years have you been a survivor?

I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer in 2008. I'm coming up on my two year cancerversary!

September is thyroid cancer awareness month. What does that mean to you? Why do you think awareness is important? How do you spread awareness?

Personally, I think awareness should be spread twelve months out of the year. I don't think we should wait until September to tell people to "check your neck." However, I do think that this month is a wonderful opportunity to stand together with other survivors and organizations to raise awareness with one voice.

I like to spread awareness by telling my story. Awareness is effective when people can connect, when it's real. I am completely comfortable talking about my experience with cancer and am willing to talk with anyone about it. You can read more about my experience with cancer here and here. I write a column for Dear Thyroid that is solely about my experience with cancer. Check out the archives to get a better picture of what cancer has done to me and my life.

Statistics are important, too. Numbers matter. You can read more about the disturbing statistics associated with thyroid cancer here.

Many thyroid cancer patients have been told, "If you have to get cancer, thyroid cancer is the one to get." What do you think of that statement? When you're told this, how do you respond?

I HATE hearing this; I think it's ludicrous and I cringe every time I hear it. Why does anyone have to get cancer? Why suggest that? Cancer is not a choice. I did not choose thyroid cancer instead of some other cancer.

When people say this, I get that they're trying to be encouraging. In case you're still not sure, let me clear things up for you--IT'S NOT ENCOURAGING. You DON'T make me feel better. When people say this, I try to respond calmly and remind the person that cancer is cancer and there is nothing good or easy about it.

Dear Thyroid is constantly trying to dispel the myth that thyroid cancer is the good cancer or the easy cancer. What other myth would you like to dispel regarding thyroid cancer?

Myth: You just have to take one little pill and you'll be back to normal. It's no big deal.

WRONG! It is a big deal and a pill simply cannot replace the role of a healthy thyroid. It just can't. Even when my thyroid levels are "in range," I don't have the energy I used to have. My body is not the same as it used to be. Yes, that one little pill allows me to function and live, but it's not a magic pill.

What one thing would you tell the world about thyroid cancer?

Thyroid cancer is not good. It is not easy. And it changes everything.

What advice would you give to a newly diagnosed thyroid cancer patient?

It's okay to take time off from your "normal" routine. Take some time to focus on yourself. Cancer is a big deal and changes your whole life. Allow yourself time to absorb that and reflect on it. Connect with others who have gone through the same thing you're going through. Surround yourself only with those who are serious about supporting you. This is not a time in your life for fair-weather friends.

Do you have a funny thyroid cancer related story you're willing to share?

I think I've maybe blogged about this before, but I can't remember. If you've already read this story, humor me and pretend you're reading it for the first time.

In February of this year I had to have a lymph node removed. The doctor couldn't get a good biopsy of the node and due to my high initial lymph node involvement, my endo and I decided to get this node out. SO, I'm at the hospital on surgery day. I'm hooked up to the IV and wearing the super sexy hospital gown and sleep socks with grippers on the bottom. The anesthesiologist comes into my room to discuss my medical history, drug allergies, etc. The last question he asks (or at least the last question I hear) is, "Do you have any health problems?" Nah, I just thought I'd stop by for kicks. You know, having my neck sliced and diced is my idea of a good time. My actual response: "Um, you mean like THYROID CANCER?!" He has no response to that, so he turns and walks out of the room. Once he leaves, my mom and I look at each other and die laughing and proceed to make fun of him. Yes, he was right outside my room making notes in my chart, and yes, he could hear us laughing at him, but that's what he gets for asking stupid questions.

Dear Thyroid is a thyroid support community and literary brand. Our goal is to connect patients with each other, to create awareness for thyroid diseases and cancers, and to give all thyroid patients a voice. We come together as a united front to invoke change on behalf of thyroid patients worldwide. Thyroid patients are invited to submit letters to their thyroids, thyroid rants and raves, and other literary creations. Help us to create awareness for thyroid diseases and cancers by wearing your disease on your sleeve and by requesting one of our free awareness bands. Visit DearThyroid.org to learn more!

confessions of a cancer patient [part 3]

2010-06-30T01:00:00.000-04:00

I don't need your gifts or your cards to feel supported. I just need your presence or your words that acknowledge you have not forgotten me.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was bombarded with people who rallied around me. It's been a year and a half, and most of those people are gone. They have forgotten, and it hurts.

I still need support. That need hasn't even started to dissipate, and I don't think it ever will. But I'm okay with that.

I am able to find good in the midst of bad. I know it's the presence of God in the midst of turmoil.

Check out parts one and two here and here

Let's talk about cancer

2010-05-25T10:48:00.000-04:00

Cancer is not something that is part of my life one day but not the next. I can't take it on and off because, whether I like it or not, it's part of me. But just because cancer sucks doesn't mean I can't talk about it. It's something I deal with, so you should learn how to deal with it, too. I know it's hard to find the right words to say to someone with cancer. You don't want to say the wrong thing. You don't want to make things worse. Let me give you some suggestions. If you have a friend or family member with cancer, you might consider saying:

I'm praying for you. And then check back regularly. By regularly I don't mean never. And by regularly I don't mean once or twice. Even after surgery and treatment, the effects of cancer are still very present. So keep checking in and praying month after month after month after month...

I want to help you. If you ask, "Can I do anything for you?" the answer will most likely be no, even if help is needed. If I have to ask for help, I feel like a burden and an inconvenience. If you really want to help your friend/family member with cancer, then you need to think of a way to help and do it. "Hey, I'm going to bring dinner to you. Is tonight a good night?" "Hey, I'm coming over to watch a movie with you. What time should I be there?" "I'm going to go grocery shopping for you. What's on your grocery list?" Figure out how you want to help and do it.

I don't understand exactly what you're going through, but I'm here for you. If you say this, you have to mean it. You can't say "I'm here for you" and only check in once a month. If you say this to your friend/family member with cancer, you need to learn about what they're going through. Do some research. Ask them how they're feeling and how they're dealing with cancer. Make sure you're present for them.

Whatever you do, though, don't ignore it. When you ignore what I'm going through with cancer, you're ignoring me. When you say nothing at all, you're setting me apart, turning me into a leper. And that's what makes things worse. Cancer isn't contagious, you know.

giving thyroid cancer the bird

2010-04-05T22:41:00.000-04:00

Stupid thyroid cancer. My dad and my brothers rocking their i[2]y stupid cancer wristbands and giving my cancer the bird, which is completely acceptable and therapeutic, by the way.

my beautiful mess

2010-04-04T22:40:00.000-04:00

"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."
psalm 119:71

The above verse was written for me. It was good for me to have cancer so I might learn more about God, to deepen my relationship with Him. If cancer is what it takes for me to learn all I have and will, then I wouldn't give cancer back if I could. I do not think cancer itself is good. In fact, I hate it. But I love the changes it brought to my life. It has been a long, hard road getting to this point, and I'm sure I'll have a different sentiment another day, but today I love how God has used my cancer for good. I do not believe God gave me cancer, but I absolutely believe He can turn something as ugly as cancer into something beautiful. He can and He has.

A man named Jake

2010-03-16T23:49:00.000-04:00

This is another post I wrote over a year ago. I don't know why I never posted it, but you need to read about Jake. People like Jake make the world a better place.

There used to be this man named Jake. My mom knew him from the tiny mill town in South Carolina where she grew up. As a little girl, she looked up to his teenage daughters. She actually named her dog after his daughter Patsy. (It was a chihuahua. Yes, a chihuahua named Patsy.) That's about the nicest thing a little girl can do for the teenager she idolizes. One day, about five months ago, Jake's daughter (not Patsy) went to visit Jake in the hospital. When she got to his door she stopped in her tracks. Jake was on his knees. Praying. Praying out loud. Praying something along the lines of "God, I have this friend Ray. His daughter Jan has a daughter with cancer. I want you to heal her." He was praying. On his knees. Out loud. For me.
Praying for me to be healed while his own body was being consumed by cancer.

Not long after this, Jake died. I thank God for Jake. He put his own needs aside to pray for me. That's just about as selfless as it gets--to put someone else's health needs over yours when you are dying. I just hope there is a little bit of Jake inside of me, that I might consider others before myself.

I'm thankful for everyone who has prayed for me. If you've uttered even one little prayer on my behalf, thank you. I'm grateful for you.

can't go back

2010-03-13T18:36:00.001-05:00

I wrote this post a LONG time ago but never published it because at the time I wasn't fully convinced the last line was true. But now I know without a shadow of a doubt it is completely true. The only thing that is no longer the same as when I first wrote this post is I don't have cancer-filled dreams anymore. Thank God for that.

The day I learned I had cancer was a day that my changed my life. Changed. I have been waiting since October to feel like myself again. To think as clearly as I used to. To have as much energy as I used to. To interact with my friends the same as I used to. To not be tormented by cancer-filled dreams at night. To go a single day without being reminded that I have cancer.

But I've come to accept that I will never be that person again. I can't go back. I am forever changed.

And I think the change is for the better.

Zac's Story

2010-03-02T00:34:00.001-05:00

This is one of the most inspiring stories I've ever heard. How does it resonate with you?

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Production on Vimeo.

shut yo mouth

2010-02-15T18:01:00.002-05:00

Over the past year and a half since diagnosed with thyroid cancer, I've heard some dumb things. Now, before you go and get all offended, I am NOT calling YOU dumb. Just the stuff you've said. :) Seriously, though, I know I'm just as guilty of saying stupid stuff at the worst times. I'm still not a pro at knowing what to say, but I'm getting pretty good at knowing what not to say. And I thought I would share with you in efforts to keep you from shoving your foot in your mouth in the future.

Do not tell people they are so fortunate to have the cancer they do because it is so curable. Do not tell them they have the good cancer. Do not tell them that, if they had to choose a cancer, this would be the one.
Really? I did not choose cancer. I do not like to think about choosing cancer. There is no such thing as a good cancer. So if this is something that is about to burst out of your lips, just shut your mouth.

Do not tell someone everything is going to be OK.
You do not know if that is a true statement. All types of cancer can kill. So don't let this slip out of your mouth.

Do not provide unsolicited medical advice.
Unless you are my doctor, I don't want to hear it. So if medical advice is the only thing you have to offer, just keep your mouth shut unless you are asked for your opinion.

Do not say God does not and will not give us more than we can handle.
This is a flat-out lie. If this was a true statement, why would we need God at all? Now, if you have said this before, I am sure you did not mean to tell a lie. But you did. The truth is God will not give us more than we can handle WITH HIS HELP. Please be aware of the distinction. And stop telling lies.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, but what would you add to the list?

weak

2010-02-07T22:57:00.001-05:00

People too often tell me how strong I am. Strong for fighting cancer. Strong for making it this far. Thank you for the compliment. But I must tell you: IT IS NOT TRUE. I am weak. Weak as water. Any strength you see in me is not from me. It's God, showing up right on time to carry a feeble soul who cannot make it on her own. So when you see strength in me, what you're seeing is Jesus, displaying His perfect power, His strength. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. His power. My weakness. If I had to walk this road on my own I absolutely could not do it. The fear alone would kill me. It's Jesus that makes me strong.

I just wanted you to know that.

the girl can move!

2010-02-02T11:50:00.000-05:00

My niece is just too awesome to not post this. Enjoy. :)

This is not your neighbor's cousin's mom's friend's cancer

2010-01-17T17:38:00.000-05:00

I hear a lot of stories about other people who have experienced thyroid cancer. They go something like this:

"Oh, you have thyroid cancer? Well my aunt had that about thirty years ago and she is doing just fine."

"You know, my brother's girlfriend had thyroid cancer several years ago and she hasn't had any other problems."

"My grandmother had thyroid cancer a looooong time ago. She's dead now, but it wasn't the cancer that killed her. You are going to be just fine."

OK, so the stories may not go exactly like that, but that's pretty much the gist. Let me say that I truly truly appreciate the encouragement. However, I need you to understand that this is my thyroid cancer. And I don't mean that in a jealous, possessive way. I mean that everyone experiences cancer differently. No two people deal with cancer exactly the same. And while it is encouraging to hear the stories of so many people who have overcome thyroid cancer after a single surgery or one dose of radiation, don't assume that my experience is going to go so smoothly.

confessions of a cancer patient [part 2]

2010-01-09T18:00:00.000-05:00

My battle did not end when my thyroid was removed. That was only the beginning.

The fight against cancer doesn't get easier. It just becomes more normal.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was bombarded with people who rallied around me. It's been a little over a year, and most of those people are gone. That still hurts, but it doesn't sting anymore.

I've found new people to support me. You can meet some of these awesome fighters here.

I still don't want your pity. And I only want your support if you really mean it.

I have the best family. Ever.

Check out part one here

how old is old enough?

2010-01-05T23:53:00.000-05:00

I'm not too young to drive. I'm not too young to vote. I'm not too young to drink. I'm no longer too young to rent a car. However, I have heard many times over the past year that I am too young to have cancer. But I've been wondering, who isn't too young to have cancer? Is there a certain age where you are suddenly old enough to have cancer?

Thyoliday Blues and Truths

2009-12-15T08:00:00.001-05:00

Thyroid diseases and thyroid cancers are fun, right? Unfortunately not; they deeply affect us as patients and our families, indelibly leaving an imprint on our minds, bodies and souls. None of it is easy. If we’re going to bring awareness to this disease, we have to come together as a family. Our collective voices have the power to invoke change. Because the holidays are a time of celebration with the people we love and a time to reflect, what better way to ignite change, and move our stories forward, oh and have a laugh along the way, than to connect with each other?

Have the holidays and your experience of them changed since you've been diagnosed?
Since I've been diagnosed with cancer, I've started to cherish the holidays more. The reason for celebrating the holidays hasn't changed for me, but I've learned to really appreciate the time with family and friends because it's precious.

What is your favorite holiday food/dish from childhood? What is your favorite dish now? (Did you have to change your diet at all since being diagnosed?)
Oh my goodness. I don't know if I can choose a single favorite holiday food. At Thanksgiving I've always loved sweet potato casserole. Loved it as a kid, love it now. At Christmas, my family always has an abundance of food and desserts. Some of my favorites include (and have always included) sausage balls, tang fruit salad, ham rolls, and turtles.

I haven't significantly changed my diet since being diagnosed with cancer, unless you count the occasions I've been on the low iodine diet. And in those circumstances pretty much everything about my diet changed.

Off the top of your head, is there one comment from friends or family that sticks out in your mind as a what-were-they-thinking kind of thing that brought your disease front and center for everyone at the holiday function to hear about?
This has never happened because people are scared of the C word. You know, Cancer. I've probably been the one to make people uncomfortable. It's because I am OK with saying the C word but others aren't OK with hearing it. Let's all say it together, "Joanna has CANCER."

How do you get through the stress of the holidays, paired with a disease? What are your coping strategies?
The holidays aren't stressful for me. But, when I need to cope, I cope with a nap. :o)

Do you feel the need to enlighten and educate your loved ones about your disease when you get together for holidays, as people are often curious about our illnesses? If so, how do you educate them?
I don't usually bring up my illness and treatment at family gatherings. If asked, I tell. I have no problem talking about my illness, but I think some people feel awkward asking about it. Some friends and family do ask about the details of my treatment and I am willing to share them. I just offer my personal experiences and leave it at that. I don't email my family research articles on thyroid replacement meds or thyroid cancer or the side effects of RAI. I think personal stories make a much greater impact than articles on studies conducted at some university you didn't go to by a group of researchers you don't know.

Has your disease ever showed up at the wrong time on a holiday and ruined the day or moment?
Last year at Thanksgiving I was on the dreaded low iodine diet. That made Thanksgiving a real treat, both for me and my mom who had to cook extra food for me. The day after Thanksgiving I took my dose of radiation and was sequestered for a few days. That was hard. My family was downstairs having fun and I was in my room. It was hard to be able to hear everyone but not able to join in on the fun.

I was also on the LID on my birthday this year. And although my birthday doesn't really count as a holiday, I missed having the usual cake and ice cream. But my birthday certainly wasn't ruined by cancer or the LID.

Have you thought about submitting a letter to Dear Thyroid? If so, would your letter be a love letter or a hate letter? Would it be to your thyroid or from your thyroid?
I have submitted a letter to Dear Thyroid! You can read it here. Now go write a letter of your own! If you don't want to address it to your own thyroid, feel free to address it to mine. :o)

If you could tell the world one thing about thyroid disease (or thyroid cancer) that you feel they don’t understand, what would it be?
I think much of the world (largely those with healthy thyroids) doesn't even know where the thyroid is or what the thyroid does. (It's in your NECK, by the way.) Do you like being able to control your weight? Do you like having energy throughout the day? Do you like having a head full of nice, thick hair? Do you like being able to stay awake during the day? Do you like being able to sleep at night? Do you like making it through the day without your heart beating out of your chest? If so, you have your thyroid to thank. Please, educate yourself so you can appreciate what your thyroid is doing for you. You can start here.

What is the greatest misconception regarding thyroid disease and thyroid cancer?
The greatest misconception about thyroid cancer is that it's easy to go through. Let's set the record straight. Thyroid cancer is not the good cancer. It's not the easy cancer. Newsflash: "the easy cancer" does not exist. There is no such thing. The likelihood of thyroid cancer killing me is slim, but that does not mean anything about this easy, for me or my family.

What is the stupidest thing someone has said to you regarding your illness that, to this day, still makes you laugh or makes you angry?
The day I took my second dose of RAI, one of my friends asked me if I felt radioactive...I think she maybe was asking if I felt like I was glowing. :o) She realized that what she said was funny and we both got a laugh out of it.

Dear Thyroid is a literary thyroid support community and blog. Thyroid patients are invited to submit Dear Thyroid letters; love letters and hate letters, among other thyroid literary things, such as Thyrants, Thygraphs, Thykus, Thyetry and Thysongs, etc. Our goals are for all of us as a community of patients to connect with each other and our diseases, and to bring awareness to thyroid diseases and thyroid cancers, we need and deserve a face and a voice. For our non-literary crew, we have monthly Flickr pools. Recently, we launched Dear Thyroid Local Meet Ups for offline support. Dear Thyroid Forums are forthcoming in December.

Feeling Stupid

2009-12-08T22:57:00.003-05:00

When your thyroid breaks you can turn stupid. (That makes me think of the Toad the Wet Sprocket song, but it's not the same kind of stupid.) There are a lot of days now where I just feel plain ol' dumb. It's like my brain is working in slooooooow motion. I forget names of people I've known for a long time. I open up the internet and forget what website I wanted to type in. I start a sentence and forget what I'm trying to say. I forget words. This happened to me today, and I would tell you about the incidence in more detail, but I really can't remember. Pathetic, I know. When something like this happens I just try to find another word that fits and move on.

I am not alone in this funky state of mind. Many people with thyroid cancer (or maybe it's people who've had RAI?) admit to feeling this brain fog. Kairol Rosenthal describes it much better here. I don't know why this happens, but if the next time I talk to you I look like I'm concentrating really hard just to get the words to come out of my mouth, it's probably because I am. Maybe you should just give me a bucket so I can put it on my head and think. (If you aren't an enthusiast of The Andy Griffith Show then you have no idea what I'm talking about. Go here and fast forward to about the five minute mark. That Gomer Pyle, bless his heart...)

September

2009-09-18T15:25:00.001-04:00

September is Thyroid Cancer Awareness Month. I was planning on giving you all kinds of statistics that show how the incidence of thyroid cancer is on the rise and kills thousands of people every year. But, I decided that numbers don't necessarily increase awareness. So, I'm just going to tell my story instead.

On October 8, 2008, I wake up with an ache in my neck. I feel a huge lump at the base of my neck. I immediately call my mom and she makes an appointment for the next morning with my GP. After that appointment I go to have an ultrasound. Later that day, I get a call from the doctor's office with the results of my ultrasound--three nodules on my thyroid. I am referred to an endocrinologist. The endocrinologist schedules me to have a biopsy with another doctor in his office. I lay on a patient bed with my feet higher than my head in a tiny room that is so hot I am ready to strip off my clothes. The nurse cleans my neck. The doctor comes in. I am nervous. He pours a local anesthetic onto my neck. It feels weird, cold. It doesn't work very well. Maybe the doctor knew it wouldn't and is just trying to trick my brain. He sticks a needle into my neck seven times. It hurts. Bad. It feels like he is trying to push my thyroid through my spine and out the back of my neck. A few days later, I receive a call from the doctor's office. I have to come in to get the results. I know it's bad. I call my mom and break down. When I hang up with her, I move to the couch and sit there and sob for a long time. The next day, the doctor tells me what I already know. Thyroid cancer. I have another ultrasound to check the lymph nodes in my neck. On November 5, I have my entire thyroid removed as well as the lymph nodes in the central part of my neck. The cancer has spread to most of those nodes. After surgery, I have radioactive iodine to kill off any remaining thyroid tissue in my body. With no thyroid, I begin depending on a couple little pills to live. My life is forever changed.

So check your neck. Know what your neck feels like so you will know if something is different. Next time you are at the doctor, ask him or her to check your neck. Be aware.

photo from www.lightoflifefoundation.org

a word about hope

2009-09-16T14:05:00.001-04:00

It's been awhile since my last post (Sorry, Cteve). I decided to take a little break to focus on myself (wow, that doesn't sound selfish). But, now I am back!

I read a good bit of cancer information--stories, research, etc. I am in the process of reading a book that has captured stories of various cancer patients. One of these people stated that trying to hope while fighting cancer became too exhausting, and so hope was abandoned.

Hope. Exhausted. Abandoned.

This absolutely broke my heart. Hope is not supposed to be exhausting. Hope is supposed to be comforting. If you are exhausted by hope, you are hoping in the wrong thing. Hope in Jesus is satisfying. I'm not trying to preach here, I just want you to know that if you are tired of hoping in something that leaves you unfulfilled, you can find something new and refreshing in Jesus. I'm telling you because I know. It's been almost a year since I found out I have cancer. This year has been one of the hardest in my life. But I have hope. And my hope has kept me going, not tired me out. That so many people go through life with a hope that leaves them exhausted is heartbreaking. Know that it does not have to be that way for you.

Dear Thyroid

2009-07-01T17:03:00.001-04:00

Dear Thyroid(TM) is a forum that allows patients with thyroid ailments to write, among other rants and raves, letters to their thyroids. It sounds kind of weird, but it's a great outlet to let go of any anxiety, anger, or sadness you may be harboring. Friends and family are also welcome to send in letters addressed to the sick thyroid of their loved one. They can also send in a letter of gratitude addressed to their own healthy thyroid. I recently submitted a letter... stop by their site and read more about them. And while you're there, you can read my letter. :)

World Thyroid Day

2009-05-25T10:00:00.003-04:00

Today, May 25th, is World Thyroid Day. If you are a woman, you know that you should conduct a monthly breast exam. But did you know you should also conduct a monthly neck exam? According to the CDC, thyroid cancer is one of the ten most common cancers among women. Check your neck. (Men, that goes for y'all, too!)

scartracker [6 months post-op]

2009-05-13T22:46:00.001-04:00

May 5th marked 6 months since my surgery! You probably don't care about these pictures, but I like seeing how my scar changes from month to month. :)

six month update

2009-04-22T20:48:00.003-04:00

Exactly six months ago today I was sitting in the doctor's office with my stomach in my throat. I knew what was coming, but exactly six months ago today, my doctor looked at me with pain and sadness written all over his face and told me I have cancer. I don't think I will ever forget his expression. His compassion at that moment continues to reassure to me that he is a blessing from God. He has never said anything stupid. He never told me this was going to be easy. In fact, he said it was going to be hard. He never told me that I had the best cancer there is. He never told me that being hypothyroid while preparing for radiation was going to be fun. He never told me I was on my own to figure out the best treatment for me. He has always been in control of the situation and has never seemed to lack confidence. He is optimistic that I will be cured. He is realistic that this is not over yet. He listens to me instead of just looking at my labs. He is willing to make adjustments to my medication if I need him to. He genuinely cares about me and I love him for it.

Today I had a check-up and my doctor had a very different story to tell than six months ago. My TSH level is where it needs to be and my thyroglobulin (tumor marker) level is undetectable. Does this mean I am cancer free? No, but it does mean I am headed in the right direction and that my treatment to date has been effective. Is it reason to praise God for getting me this far? Absolutely.

**Just a clarification regarding the previous post. I don't want anyone to think I stay in bed all day crying my eyes out. I don't. I am actually in a really good place. I was able to write that post because I am in a good place. Yes, I go through a lot mentally and emotionally some days, but who doesn't?

confessions of a cancer patient

2009-04-20T22:07:00.000-04:00

I might look strong on the outside, but on the inside I am fighting a constant battle against fear. Most days I win. Some days I lose, and those are bad days.

I don't always know how to fit in because sometimes I think most people don't understand me anymore.

If one more person tells me how glad they are that this is all behind me I might scream. Because it's not behind me. I know they mean well, but it's still a very real thing. So cut out all that past-tense crap and help me fight the battle I'm facing today.

Don't tell me that thyroid cancer is the easy cancer or is the best cancer to get. I KNOW that my treatment has not been as physically harsh as other cancer patients'. I KNOW that I am fortunate to not have had the need for chemotherapy. I KNOW. I don't need you to tell me, because even though I haven't had to deal with the horrible side effects of chemo or external beam radiation, there is nothing easy or good about this cancer.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I was bombarded with people who rallied around me. It's only been six months, and so many of those people are gone. That hurts. (If you're reading this, I'm probably not talking about you!)

I may sound like I'm looking for pity, but I'm not at all. I'm just looking for support.

I don't want cancer, but having cancer has changed me to the very core, and I know God is going to use this for something great one day. He's good like that.

Cancer with benefits

2009-04-15T23:12:00.003-04:00

Apparently, having cancer in America entitles you to special economic stimuli. A few weeks ago I received a discount card in the mail that I can use any time I rent a car from Hertz. Just knowing that I can get a deal on a rental car helps me rest easier at night. Except I am too young to rent a car from Hertz. But let me tell you, come October 3rd I am headed straight to Hertz, using my cancer discount card, and driving my worries away.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T20:20:00.002-04:00

Hope. A word I have heard all my life. A word I use all the time.
"Hope to see you soon."
"Hope you do well on your test."
"Hope you can get some rest."
"Hope you don't get stuck in traffic."
"Hope you win the lottery." :)
"Hope you feel better."
Hope. A word I never really understood until I was diagnosed with cancer. Hope is nothing unless it is hope in Jesus. Hope in Jesus is real. It is life. It is what gives me rest at night and what gets me out of bed in the morning. It sustains me the few days before a check-up when gut-wrenching fear threatens to creep in. It conquers fears. It brings peace. Hope in Jesus Christ because He defeated death and rose from the grave. Hope because He lives. Hope because His power is not limited by cancer.

scar tracker [five months post-op]

2009-04-08T19:21:00.002-04:00

firebreather: long-term effects of radiation

2009-03-30T20:36:00.002-04:00

I got to see the Discovery shuttle launch (from afar) when I was in Florida over spring break. It was really cool and was clearly an excellent photo opportunity. :o)

scar tracker [four months post-op]

2009-03-05T20:39:00.004-05:00

doctor's office etiquette

2009-03-04T20:08:00.002-05:00

The day I went to the doctor to have him tell me I have cancer there was this insanely annoying woman in the waiting room. She was talking on her cell phone in an extremely loud voice. And she.would.not.shut.up. I'm sitting there with my stomach in my throat about to puke my guts out because I know what the doctor is about to tell me, and Chatty Cathy is over there talking about what she had for lunch. I wanted to take her precious cell phone and cram it down her throat. But I didn't. And eventually, after the nurse called her name multiple times (Chatty C. couldn't hear the nurse over all the loud talking), she went back to see the doctor and I no longer had to listen to her obnoxious phone conversation. So, next time you're at the doctor, out of respect for that girl sitting across the room consumed with dread and anxiety over what she is about to hear, mind the sign posted at the door and turn off your cell phone.

pray for this sweet little boy

2009-02-27T12:11:00.002-05:00

I don't know how I came across this family's blog, but go check it out and pray for their adorable little boy.

i am privileged.

2009-02-26T21:37:00.000-05:00

Thank the good Lord that I don't have to deal with this. I don't want to make this a political blog, but this is one of the reasons I am glad we don't have socialized medicine.

Scar Buddies!!

2009-02-22T22:32:00.002-05:00

That's what they'll call us!!!!!!

Did I ever tell you...

2009-02-19T17:16:00.002-05:00

Did I ever tell you that after my thyroidectomy my voice was terribly messed up? It wasn't just like a scratchy, I lost my voice kind of messed up. My vocal cords/vocal cord nerves got damaged and my voice was about five octaves higher than normal. Seriously...I'm not exaggerating. My brothers called me Michael Jackson. I sounded like a 5 year old girl. It was like that for six weeks, and then one morning I woke up and my voice was miraculously back to normal.

Thought you might enjoy that tidbit of information.

retail therapy

2009-02-11T21:52:00.001-05:00

(note: you should really listen to this song while reading to have an optimal blog experience)

A new friend and fellow thyroid cancer fighter suggested that I engage in a little retail therapy. She told me to go buy some new shoes, shoes that I typically wouldn't buy. It's really not hard to convince me I need some new shoes, and I was going to Kohl's anyway, so I figured I would take a stroll through the shoe department. I found some on sale that were cute and it was a pair that I would not typically buy...I usually buy monochromatic shoes. But I bought them and when I wear them I feel good, rendering this particular session of retail therapy successful.

If you do not have at least one pair of colorful, exciting shoes then I really recommend you buy some. Life is too short to spend every day in boring shoes.

three months post-op

2009-02-08T18:26:00.000-05:00

This past Thursday marked three months since my surgery. My scar has changed quite a bit in the past month, don't ya think?

3 months:

2 months:

the "easy" cancer???

2009-01-23T11:20:00.002-05:00

When I was first diagnosed with cancer I had many people tell me that thyroid cancer is the easy cancer...if you had to get cancer, this is the kind to get. Medically speaking, maybe that is true. Some of the variants of thyroid cancer are very easy to treat. That does not make this an easy cancer. There is nothing easy about going through any of this...it's a beast I have to face every single day. So, some advice--never tell anyone that they have an easy cancer, because having cancer is never easy.

Check your neck...Change your life

2009-01-14T15:13:00.003-05:00

It's thyroid awareness month! Go to this website and learn how to check your neck.

before the rain there was sunshine

2009-01-12T23:33:00.000-05:00

This is what the calm before the storm looks like:

The weekend before this whole thyroid cancer ordeal started my family and I celebrated my 24th birthday. It was so much fun and so carefree. We truly experienced a calm before a nasty storm. I am grateful for that weekend. I really think it was a gift from God, that He was reminding me of all the good things in my life so I could have something to hold onto as I go through this terribly scary time in my life. As my mom told me, it's a good thing we can't see our future because it would freak us out.

You can see the tumor on my thyroid in that last picture. It might be hard to see if you don't know what you're looking for, but it's that lumpy thing at the base of my neck. If that grosses you out, just don't look. :o)

for my best friend

2009-01-07T22:29:00.002-05:00

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." Isaiah 26:3-4

two months post-op

2009-01-05T21:56:00.001-05:00

It's been two months today since my surgery. Here's a two month post-op picture of my scar...it matches my shirt:

I was thinking about how fast things have happened the past few months, so I thought I would make a time line so I wouldn't forget all that has occurred. Here's the abbreviated record of all my doctors visits and such:

October 8: I woke up and felt the lump on my neck.
October 9: I went to my general physician--he thought the lump was just a cyst, but referred me to a specialist; I had blood work and an ultrasound; the GP's office called back with results of the ultrasound--I had a 2cm nodule on the left lobe of my thyroid and two smaller nodules on the right lobe.
October 10: The GP called with the results of my blood work--I had an increased level of thyroperoxidase antibodies, indicative of Hashimoto's thyroiditis.
October 14: I met with the endocrinologist, Dr. S. He also thought the nodule was a cyst and agreed that I probably had Hashimoto's thyroiditis. He still wanted me to have a biopsy.
October 16: I had the biopsy which was performed by another endocrinologist in the same practice, Dr. O. Based on the ultrasound images seen during the biopsy, Dr. O said it was not a cyst.
October 21: The endocrinologist's office called and said I needed to come in to meet with Dr. S to get the results of my biopsy. (I immediately knew it was cancer.)
October 22: I met with Dr. S and he told me I had cancer and needed my thyroid removed. He referred me to a surgeon.
October 29: I had a careful neck ultrasound to see if any lymph nodes on the sides of my neck needed to be removed. The radiologist said that only the nodes in the front of my neck near my thyroid needed to be taken out.
November 4: I met with the surgeon for the first time.
November 5: I had a total thyroidectomy and central lymph node dissection.
November 7: After struggling with hypocalcemia the previous day, I was released from the hospital.
November 10: I went to the endocrinologist's office for blood work
November 11: I met with the surgeon for a post-op evaluation. He had the pathology report, which showed I did have papillary thyroid cancer and it had spread to 10 of the 13 lymph nodes removed.
November 13: I met with Dr. S. He had the results of my blood work and said my TG level was low. He was ready for me to prepare for radiation, which meant a low-iodine diet and stopping my Synthroid so my TSH level would reach 30.
November 20: I went to the endocrinologist's office for blood work to check my TSH level.
November 24: A medical assistant from the endocrinologist's called and said I was ready for radiation--my TSH level was 38.
November 28: I went to the hospital to take my radiation. I received 150 mCi of I-131 in the form of two capsules. I swallowed them, then went home where I was in isolation for a week.
December 7: I went back to the hospital for my whole body scan.
December 9: A medical assistant from the endocrinologist's office called and said I had residual thyroid tissue in my neck, but no metastases.
December 23: I went back for yet another round of blood work.
December 30: I met with Dr. S who said my TG level has dropped about 25%. He increased my dosage of Synthroid from 100mcg to 137mcg.

It's hard to believe all this has happened in less than three months. But, at the same time, I am very glad that my treatment has moved along so rapidly. Thank you, Jesus, for giving me such awesome doctors!

"The Lord gives me strength and a song. He has saved me." Psalm 118:14

Health Update

2009-01-04T17:50:00.000-05:00

I went to my doctor for a check-up on Dec. 30. All went well--he was optimistic and felt good about how things are progressing. My TG (the cancer marker) level decreased from the previous month by about 25%! This means the radiation is doing its work. The doctor decreased my calcium from 3000mg a day to 1000mg a day and he is also weaning me off of the Rx strength vitamin D I've been taking. Please pray I don't become hypocalcemic again. The doctor also increased my dosage of Synthroid. Praise the Lord! My TSH level was 19 (definitely in the hypothyroid range) and he wants it to be 0.3. Hopefully with this increased dose I'll start feeling less tired soon. I go back in two months for more blood work and another check-up.

All this typing has tired me out. I'm moving to the couch.

Exterior illumination: a mishap?

2009-01-04T11:49:00.008-05:00

Well, I didn't get a picture of the reindeer in the tree, but I did snap a picture of another neighbor's Christmas lights. (Neighbor: if you are somehow reading this blog I am sorry if I have embarrassed you, but please make necessary adjustments next year. The candles in the windows, however, looked very nice.)

Please pay attention to the bushes to the right of the stairs. If you find nothing amusing about these, then you do not have a perverted sense of humor like my family and I do. Kudos to you, but you're missing out on some laughs.

Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.

2008-12-27T16:15:00.000-05:00

I have received some really great cards and notes of encouragement the past couple of months, but I got one the other day that had some awesome words that I thought I would share:

"No ocean can hold it back.
No river can overtake it.
No whirlwind can go faster.
No army can defeat it.
No law can stop it.
No distance can slow it.
No disease can cripple it.
No force on Earth is more powerful or effective than the power of prayer."

These words are so true. Prayer has become a whole new thing for me. Sure, I've been praying for many, many years, and I'm still praying to the same God, but I have gotten a new glimpse at how effective prayer really is, just as the words above describe. Do not dismiss it as a mere ritual. Do not downplay its power. Do not underestimate God's ability to hear you and work miracles.

You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

2008-12-27T10:00:00.001-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! I know I sure did. Rather than giving a play by play of my day, I thought I'd share some of my favorites from the whole Christmas season.

1. Favorite moment from Christmas: opening presents with the fam and watching my niece and nephew. They are just too cute for words, so I suppose that's all I'll say about that.

2. Favorite food on Christmas: the delicious steak my Dad cooked, which was accompanied by a baked potato, layered salad, and garlic bread. MMmmmm...my stomach is growling just thinking about it.

3. Dessert: It's really tough for me to choose one favorite Christmas dessert because we always have so many delicious sweets. But, I think I am going to have to go with my mom's coconut cake. It's a classic.

4. Movies: I absolutely LOVE Christmas movies--even the really cheesy ones that come on the Hallmark and ABC Family channels. My favorite, though, is White Christmas. A family favorite, however, is Christmas Vacation. It's funny every year. And in case you haven't noticed, it's also the inspiration for the titles of all my December posts.

5. Music: I am kinda picky about my Christmas music. The radio stations that play nothing but Christmas music starting the day after Halloween (it gets earlier and earlier every year!) run me nuts! All they seem to play is Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, Jingle Bell Rock, and Feliz Navidad, with a few other songs thrown in the mix that are sung by screechy voices. It runs me nuts. This year my top pick has been Travis Cottrell's new CD, Ring the Bells. His voice is smooth like butta.

6. Decorations: I really love looking at Christmas lights. My Dad is an expert at putting up exterior lights and our house always looks awesome. Because our house always looks so good, we tend to criticize the lights at other houses. I know, it's awful..but some of them are REALLY bad. My mom and I were driving around looking at lights a couple weeks ago and we came to a house with a reindeer in a tree. That's right, in a tree. We about killed ourselves laughing. I'll try to get a picture before they take it down.

Christmas was special for me in a new way this year. I don't think I can describe it without sounding all cheesy and sappy, so I'm not really going to try. I have so much to be thankful for that just being together as a family to celebrate Jesus was more than enough for me.

"And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?" "I don't KNOW, Margo."

2008-12-23T23:54:00.004-05:00

I don't know this family. I had not even heard of them before I came across this blog. But they need our prayers. Please read their blog and lift them up in prayer.

Save the neck for me, Clark

2008-12-23T23:46:00.002-05:00

Cancer is so limited.
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith in Christ.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection!
-author unknown

If I woke up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now

2008-12-20T00:13:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Since I am no longer isolated in my bedroom I have not spent much time on the computer. Here's an update:

After my week of being radioactive, I went to the hospital on the morning of December 7th. It was nice to get out of the house. :) I was scheduled for the first scan of the morning, so it was not yet busy, which was nice. The scan itself was not a big deal. I laid on a table and listened to Christmas music for about two and a half hours. After the first couple of pictures the tech told me all he saw was radiation in my neck (meaning there was still thyroid tissue there...completely expected). There were still some more pictures to take, but while I was laying there I was thinking of how we were going to celebrate as soon as I got home. The tech told me afterward that there was definitely residual tissue in my neck, as he said earlier, but there was also a questionable spot in my chest. I was thinking, "WHAT??!! I just made plans to celebrate the fact that the cancer hadn't spread!" But what actually came out was more along the lines of, "huh?" The tech couldn't tell if the spot was on my lungs, sternum, or if it was just my normal anatomy and nothing to worry about. The last round of pictures he took was a 360 degree set. He told me he would look through all of those and would be able to tell for sure whether or not the cancer had spread and, if so, where it had spread to. The doctor would call and let me know in the next few days. My spirits were instantly deflated. It took about 15 minutes to remember that I still did, in fact, have a reason to celebrate. Jesus has given me true, eternal life. He has not taken that away, and He will never take that away. And for that we can always celebrate.

I got a call from my doctor's assistant on Tuesday afternoon, December 9th. She told me the cancer had not metastasized! I asked her about two or three times if she was sure. :) She was sure. That night we went out to celebrate. Even though I had resolved on Sunday to celebrate life in Christ no matter what the doctor said, it was so sweet to hear that news. We celebrated our good, good God and we celebrated answered prayers. We went to a delicious Mexican restaurant, and it was good.

You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination

2008-12-05T16:25:00.002-05:00

My radioactive days are coming to an end...woohoo! I go to the hospital on Sunday morning for a whole body scan and I'll get the results sometime between Monday and Wednesday. The only thing standing between me and the scan is a bottle of Fleet laxative. Oops, was that too much information?

it's a beaut, clark

2008-12-04T14:05:00.013-05:00

Surgery day: about 10 hours after surgery. The flowers are from my Dad's office.

Day after surgery

Two days after surgery: going home!!

One week post-op: the doctor had just removed the steri strips about an hour earlier

Two weeks post-op

One month post-op

glow little glow worm, glow and glimmer

2008-11-29T21:00:00.004-05:00

Well, I am officially glowing. And not because I am overflowing with happiness or anything like that. I had my iodine radiation pills yesterday. I went to the hospital to take them, fully expecting some guy wearing a space suit to bring me the pills based on what others had told me. Well, I was disappointed. A tech wearing plain old scrubs brought me the pills. They were in a lead box, which could have made things a little exciting, but he opened it up for me and handed me the plastic canister the pills were in. What's exciting about that? Not much. But I am officially radioactive and am in isolation for a few days. I also have to flush the toilet three times every time I pee. It's annoying.

normal [redefined]

2008-11-22T11:15:00.001-05:00

i only know what day it is by looking at the letter on the tab of my medicine container/organizer thing. (yes, i have one of those. it's orange.)
spending an entire day in pajamas is acceptable.
sleeping the entire day is also acceptable.
there is nothing good on daytime tv.
or nighttime tv. thank goodness for netflix.
i have suddenly become aware of all the disgusting preservatives and other unpronounceable chemicals i have been putting into my body for the past 24 years.
but i still crave mexican.
i used to think compression stockings were for old people. but now i have a pair. i am wearing them right now. they are useful during all of my lying around time.
i have a new appreciation for really good nurses. and doctors.
God does not get surprised.
but He will cry with you if you need Him to.

i used to think of cancer as something that happens to other people.
but cancer has happened to me.

On my knees

2008-11-04T00:39:00.005-05:00

God has shown me that in stormy seasons of life it is OK to be emotional. It is OK to be sorrowful and it is OK to be distressed. But it is not OK to disobey God...even when I am emotional, sorrowful, or distressed. During this storm in my life I have two choices: fall apart or fall to my knees. One will leave me ragged and hopeless. The other will leave me in the arms of a Strong Tower, a giver of peace. Today I choose to fall to my knees and I pray that tomorrow I'll have the wisdom and strength to make that same choice.

Beauty

2008-10-29T23:00:00.003-04:00

I'm working through one of Beth Moore's "Personal Reflections" studies and during my study time today I read words that I so needed to hear. God has a funny way of doing that. Beth said, "If He gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work." And later she said, "I truly believe that if we're willing to see, God uses every difficulty and every assignment to confide deep things to us, and that the lessons are not complete until their beauty has been revealed."

Enough said.

Floating

2008-10-27T22:45:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago I woke up with a pain in my neck that felt like I slept wrong. When I touched my neck I felt a lump on my thyroid. So, I immediately made an appointment with the doctor. After visits with multiple doctors, blood work, ultrasounds, and biopsies I have come to learn that I have thyroid cancer.

I think it was when I learned I needed a biopsy when I knew that I had cancer. It was one of those gut feelings. I prayed God would rid my mind of any thoughts that were not from Him, and that thought just would not leave. During the time between when I thought I had cancer and I was officially diagnosed with cancer I just felt like I was floating...kind of like everything was in slow motion. The waiting part was the worst. I envisioned myself sitting in the doctor's office, having to hear the words that everyone prays they never have to hear. But when I was actually there and the doctor was telling me I am going to have to have surgery soon, a wonderful peace washed over my body. And that's when I knew God is going to get us through this and do some mighty things along the way.

this is really for me

2008-10-26T23:57:00.000-04:00

I have recently been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and decided to start this blog to document my journey through this trial in my life. The blog is mainly for me--so I can remember this journey and so I can journal my thoughts. But, I thought other people might like to tag along. And it's a good way for me to update my friends and family without making a hundred different phone calls. :)

Here we go.